I was speechless, teary-eyed, and struggling to breathe.
I couldn’t help it.
I loved her so much!
My love for her has grown substantially and exponentially since that day.
Fortunately, I managed to brace myself appropriately in preparation for her entry.
Seeing her entering after the sanctuary doors whipped open in revelation of her beauty is an unforgettable moment for me. She was glowing. Her blonde locks bounced in frolic with her every step. I struggled to choke back my emotions as the bridal march echoed through the acoustical majesty of the room.
She had finally cast aside all her doubts.
In a recent conversation she shared with me that in the final moments, before her tromp down the aisle, she had one final moment. Not really a doubt, but a fear of how life was changing. She needed, and received, assurance from her parents that they weren’t going to suddenly, magically, disappear from her life.
I didn’t realize at the time she was facing that ominous fear before striding majestically through the doors. I just remember our eyes meeting. Her hypnotic hazel gaze met my longing stare. She recognized that she was the center of my attention and, as she has done for a quarter of a century, she pointed her gorgeous, comforting, affectionate smile in my direction.
I adore the way she points her smile at me. I don’t know if she even realizes that she does it. I can see it coming. She’ll shrug her shoulders inward into a tiny scrunch, lift her chin and smile as she turns the fullness of her beautiful face in my direction.
I love it every time she does it. Her warmth, affection, and acceptance cascade onto me like the rippling of a cool stream during a sweltering summer hike.
Her smile informed me that not only was she becoming my wife but she was also exhilarated to do so! In my battles with crippling insecurity, her smile that day is a memory that I pray never fades as I age.
I’m hearkening back to my wedding day for a few reasons. At the forefront is my niece’s wedding tomorrow. We are all immensely excited for her. She is the first of the next generation of our family to take this plunge.
Congratulations Haley and Jackson Shaw!
My other reason centers on the character of God. I’m one of those who struggles to accept the love of God.
I mean, all I can really see in myself is a life overflowing with reasons for God’s hatred and rejection. I really can’t accept that God loves me unconditionally. In that vein, I’ve been focusing on Scriptures that describe love.
These events in my life have led me to dive headlong in to another of the “What Ifs?” for Xvangelical.
I realize for some of you this one seems a softball kind of question. Give me a few minutes today, and follow along for this series of posts, and we’ll see if you still feel the same.
I’m warning you that as an Xvangelical, I will be emphasizing God’s love a lot. So much that some of you who still need God to be wrathful will be sick of hearing about God’s love. You’ll feel that my take it too expansive. I believe that God’s love for us is unconditional and beyond our comprehension.
The exploration of divine charity is why I believe it is emphasized in the last accepted Scriptures written. If you’re not sure what books of the Bible are in my purview of reference, I’m speaking of the book of John and of John’s epistles.
Those writings emanate with the love of God.
I think John got it.
I wish more of us were building on his foundation. How much value would we add to all of our relationships by centering them on love? Our community is designed to be love-based with God’s love flowing unimpeded through us.
“God is love”
-1 John 4:16
Yes, I did just quote that verse last week.
It’s stuck with me.
If you can find any other, God is _____ , phrases in scripture I’m open to spending some time on those as well. Meditating on this verse has awakened and inspired my waning faith. Love defines God so much so that I don’t believe we can properly understand God without grasping love.
With a wedding waiting in the wings and my present emphasis on God’s love, I’m drawn to the definition of love. What better passage for both than Paul’s “love passage” written to the Corinthian church?
What does it mean to love from God’s perspective? I’m going to flesh out the qualities Paul expresses in this passage over several posts to extrapolate the full meaning of God’s love.
I think we’re woefully missing it today.
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; … “
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Every time I hear this read during a wedding I so wish we could stop long enough to digest each characteristic. Understanding these characteristics will draw us nearer to our God.
We’ll break this into two groups, what love is and what love is not. I’m not going to explore this too deeply today because, well, you see, I don’t want to spoil too much of which I’m about to write.
We need to love and this passage puts us on that path.
Love knows that the end isn’t the beginning and is willing to patiently allow another’s story to play out. Love is long-suffering and persevering as is pursues. Love will be gently honest and will endure our world’s worst agonies while never losing sight of another’s best.
Love hinges on hope and will never, ever let you down.
On the flip side, love doesn’t brag out of jealous pride but celebrates and affirms others. Love will not act like a jerk or be provoked but will instead always have a measured and compassionate reply. Love doesn’t focus on everything another has done, or IS doing wrong, but endures those things for the sake of the overall best outcome for that person.
Put more simply, love is the unselfish outworking of a life given to Christ. Love allows us to accept others where they are with the hope that our influence, in Christ’s power, can alter any negative trajectories upon which they’re currently traveling.
I’m so excited about digging deep into this passage in the weeks to come.
When Jesus was asked, “which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” (Matthew 22:34, NASB95) how did He respond?
“‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”
-Matthew 27:37b-40, NASB95
Loving God and loving everyone else.
Pretty simple.
So simple that Jesus taught that the only way to understand the whole Law and the Prophets was through loving God and loving everyone else.
Some of you are objecting. So also did Jesus’ audience, “who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29b, NASB95). Jesus unleashed the Parable of the Good Samaritan. His point?
Anyone you encounter is your neighbor.
The onus is on US to treat everyone with love. We should treat everyone the same way we would want to be treated. That is what love means.
Don’t believe me? Well, let’s see what Jesus had to say.
“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
-Matthew 7:12, NASB95
Jesus said that in everything, no exceptions, no exemptions, we should treat people the same way we want to be treated. That is what love means. That is how to understand the entire Law and Prophets.
So, so simple.
We complicate it because we impose our lists and expectations on it. We want to use the Law and Prophets to control others and impose our systems and sensibilities on their lives.
That’s not love.
Love helps the stranded person, beaten and left for dead, without an expectation that the person will ever return the favor or even come to share our faith.
Love loves for the sake of love.
We’ve got to stop using love selfishly because love isn’t selfish.
Which brings me back to my marriage. Have I mentioned that we have an amazing and captivating relationship? Unconditional love is the fuel that makes our relationship run on all cylinders.
We’ve both done a lot of things that have hurt. I’ve brought a lot of pain into her life and she’s done the same. Yet, we made a commitment to love each other unconditionally. We’ve forgiven each other a lot of pain.
But do you know what else we’ve done? We’ve relied on each other to process through our pain. My wife has the freedom to express to me how something has hurt her in its fullness. I have the same liberty. This gives us the opportunity to be healing for each other.
That’s what love does.
I know, it’s a little braggy, but I cherish those intimate conversations we share. We both sense our growth into one another during those times. Our connection grows more impregnable and dependent. We need each other because our love draws us to each other.
We don’t have best friends, we are each other’s best friend.
What if, instead of seeking forgiveness and healing, we instead sat around and focused on each other’s faults? What if we every conversation became a judgmental discussion of every wrong we’ve observed in each other and a constant critique of those failures and how bad those failures are in the eyes of God based on our views of Scripture? How good would our relationship be?
Neither of us would feel very loved.
We should love everyone with unconditional, Corinthian, love.
If we loved our spouses, children, and friends the same way we “love” those who do things we believe are sinful we wouldn’t have spouses, children, or friends. We would live in a world full of “enemies”, which is a really sad existence in my opinion.
God desires us to have a unique intimacy that is available when we chose to love, above all else.
Folks, let’s love. (PERIOD)
Grace and peace!
If you liked this post, you just might enjoy my book, What He Said: Living the Sermon on the Mount, Transforming American Culture.
You can also follow along with me on my journeys through men’s mental health issues and Christian renovation at the links below:
That’s Me in the Corner – My journey through men’s mental health issues
Xvangelical – My journey through Christian renovation
Mark West, Xvangelical 